Whether you are a family member, a friend, or someone who works with in business it is important to have the confidence to open up the conversation.
We often notice changes in the people around us, but can be hesitant to start a conversation out of fear of causing offence or making things worse.
Some small business owners can get very focused on what is going on at work and can lose sight of what is going on for them personally. Having other people notice changes and act on them can be the first step to getting them the help they need.
It is best not to assume that the person has noticed the changes in themselves or that someone else has asked the question ‘are you okay?'. A simple conversation could be the one to change their life and identify any issues they are having.
There is no right or wrong way to start a conversation – the main thing is to let the person know what you have noticed and know that you care. For example:
I have noticed that you don’t seem yourself lately and I was wondering if you are okay?
I know you have been going through a tough time with the business and I am wondering how you are coping personally?
If the person doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, encourage them to discuss how they are feeling with someone else that they trust.
The most important thing is to give the person an opportunity to talk and listen to what they have to say without jumping in or trying to solve the problem.
Your role isn’t to find solutions, but to be someone they can talk to about what is going on. Just being there for someone can be a huge relief.
It is important to encourage the person to take action. This might include:
It is important to follow-up with the person again – either the next day or in a few days. Put a note in your diary as a reminder to check-in regularly.
There are some things that will not be helpful. Try to avoid:
If they don't want to talk to you, just leave the door open for a conversation at another time. You may need to have a few tries to open a conversation. Being consistent can show you care.
If the person says they don’t want any help, you might want to ask if there is a specific reasons why they do not want to talk to someone else. They may be based on past experiences or mistaken beliefs about what might happen to their business.
It is important to respect the person’s right not to seek help unless you believe they are at risk of harming themselves or others.
It is important to take suicidal thoughts and behaviours seriously. It can help to know a bit more about suicide and some of the warning signs to look for.
The most important thing to do if you are worried about someone, is to ask them directly “are you thinking about suicide?”.
While it can be a hard question to ask, it is important to ask directly and then listen to the answer. You are unlikely to make the situation worse by asking the question, but it will allow the person to tell you about their thoughts.
Make sure the person is safe for now and support them to take action by making an appointment, calling a crisis service or telling someone else.
To help you navigate these conversations there are a range of useful resources and training.
How to speak to someone you are worried about.
Navigating the discussion of mental health issues - The do's and don'ts when talking.